Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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