Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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