its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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