I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
