ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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