I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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