maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
