Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
