also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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