I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
