I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
