You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Pants are for mortals
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
