just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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