I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
