Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the day after is always just damage control
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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