My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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