when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
