I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
