i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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