man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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