My girlfriend figured out who you are.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
