Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
