Small penises have feelings too.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
