As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
