I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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