Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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