then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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