Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
