...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
