I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
