Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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