Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
