i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
