We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
