I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
