I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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