I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
