I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
