i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
