Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
