A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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