New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
