Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
