So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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