Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
