the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw a hot homeless man
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
