john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
