i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
