i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
