My liver just broke up with me...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
